Monday, June 2, 2008

40 Things to Do On An Elevator

As heard tonight...

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, All of you just shut UP!
3. Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small World incessantly.
4. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
5. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
6. Shave.
7. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?
8. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
9. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
10. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
11. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: Noogie patrol coming!
12. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
13. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom.
14. Do Tai Chi exercises.
15. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: I've got new socks on!
16. Meow occasionally.
17. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
18. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
19. Sing Mary had a little lamb while continually pushing buttons.
20. Holler Chutes away! Whenever the elevator descends.
21. Walk on with a cooler that says human head on the side.
22. Stare at another passenger for a while, and then announce You’re one of THEM! and move to the far corner of the elevator.
23. Leave a box between the doors.
24. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
25. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers through it.
26. Start a sing-along.
27. When the elevators is silent, look around and ask is that your beeper?
28. Play the harmonica.
29. Shadow boxing.
30. Say Ding! at each floor.
31. Lean against the button panel.
32. Say I wonder what all these do and push the red buttons.
33. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
34. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.
35. Bring a chair along.
36. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: Wanna see wha in muh mouf?
37. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
38. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
39. Stare at your thumb and say I think it's getting larger.
40. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler Bad touch!